


celestial breathing

by actuallyshua



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Chronic Illness, Established Relationship, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Medical Conditions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:33:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26402749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actuallyshua/pseuds/actuallyshua
Summary: Sometimes, Jisung worried about the future. What it would hold for him and his body, if one day his lungs would no longer allow him to breathe in.Those thoughts got lost when Changbin was near.Washed away with the rain that seemed to visit them on the days when Jisung felt most alive.Or -Everyday, Changbin breathes life into Jisung
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Seo Changbin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 48





	celestial breathing

**Author's Note:**

> hello! thank you for clicking on my fic. just a few words from me! if you're not new to my works, you'll know that pieces like this are deeply personal to me. jisung has an illness in this fic that i had slowly suffered with for the past six years. google scared me when i was younger, saying i would die if i didn't get new lungs ASAP! but! here i am. it's very difficult but manageable. so don't worry, jisung will be okay >< i won't go on another tangent but yadda yadda, i'm tired of disabled and ill characters being dealt nothing but sadness blah blah blah yes parts of this fic are sad but ta da! jisung is worthy of love and a boring fluffy day with his boyfriend. 
> 
> this is short and has like zero plot im SORRY
> 
> so yes! truly enough from me, i think. please enjoy <3

_ Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens… _

A kitten would be nice. He already had the raindrops on the roses, watching them with tired eyes through the window as the moisture collected into delicate bubbles before sliding gracefully off of the petals. The window box garden still looked beautiful even with nothing but grey skies behind it. 

Jisung pressed his nose against the glass of the chilled window once again, exhaling hard enough to leave a fog in his wake. He doodled a heart, his seventh of the day, before watching it disappear with a discontented smile. 

It wasn’t always like this. Sitting by windows and watching life pass him by. Jisung tried hard to never linger too long on the days when his feet would hit the pavement of the sidewalk, evenings of riding his bike through the city side streets with his friends. The years of blending into crowds without people moving awkwardly around him or children staring at him. 

The memories didn’t exactly make him  _ sad.  _ It was a feeling that danced on a tightrope, anger on one side and acceptance on the other. He never fell into one of those, fully submerging in those feelings, but he always felt inklings of both. 

He knew there was nothing that could be done. What started as a pain in his chest blossomed into regular doctor's appointments and the feeling of an oxygen tube in his nostrils becoming one of familiarity. 

He stopped taking long walks with Hyunjin to the corner stores or thrift shops, his legs aching too much. 

When Jisung started using a cane, Seungmin would ask him from time to time if he wanted to go on a bike ride. The answer would always be no but Jisung would continue to smile at the offers. 

But then the cane was no longer enough.

And Seungmin stopped asking him. 

Jisung wasn’t upset with his friends. How could he be? They still stopped by to see him nearly every single day, Hyunjin and Minho bringing him bags upon bags of cool sweaters and laughably ugly t-shirts they would find; Felix and Chan would dote on him with snacks and new smoothie recipes. There was no room for hate when all Jisung felt from them was love. 

His diagnosis came three years ago. 

_ Idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis. _

While most people found solace in a name to their suffering, a title for the pain, Jisung couldn’t find any chapters to close. All he knew, all the doctors knew, was that his lungs were scarred and shrinking, taking the rest of his body with him, and they could not pinpoint  _ why.  _

They had a hunch that it was due to the nasty spout of pneumonia he had as a young teenager, rendering him bedbound for nearly three weeks. But hunches only got him so far. 

It wouldn’t kill him, they continued to remind him, but sometimes he felt like he was already there. 

Sometimes this life didn’t feel like life at all. This illness left him vulnerable to the slew of other things, the common cold of a friend could mean a six week hospital stay for him. When the air quality was anything under absolutely perfect, Jisung would have to stay inside. His medication gave him sun rashes and he dropped weight far too quickly for any amount of calories to keep up with. 

Everyday was different, unexpected. 

Sometimes he could breathe when his mind was awake but his eyes were still closed. He would lay still in his bed, imagine that it could be like this all the time. On the flip side, the worse side, Jisung would be jolted awake as if someone was squeezing his lungs with tight hands, an unrelenting grip. 

A flash of lightning pulled him back to here. To now. 

And he smiled. 

Because despite everything, the constant feeling of floating in the middle of an ever changing ocean, there was always one thing that remained the same. 

“Babe! I’m home!” Changbin’s voice rang through the apartment, Jisung laughing to himself lightly as he heard the boy swear and trip over himself. 

“I’m in the bedroom.” Jisung called back with all the voice he had left. It wasn’t much, raspy and thick from the night of coughing and retching. He heard the shuffling of grocery bags being placed on the counter followed by the heavy footsteps and all too familiar rattling approaching the door. Changbin opened it dramatically, holding up two small white bags and shaking them with an obnoxiously wide smile.

“Guess who's got pills?” 

Jisung rolled his eyes at this, still frightfully unaware just how Changbin managed to make him laugh at some of the worst parts of this. 

“Thank you for getting those for me. I hope the pharmacist didn’t give you a hard time.” 

Changbin’s smile was quickly replaced by tight lips and furrowed eyebrows, “She always does when you’re not with me. As if I would hoard Esbriet! Yes lady,” He continued to rant as he walked into their bathroom, settling in front of the counter to organize Jisung’s pills, “I’m addicted to respiratory medication. I love how it makes me burn like a vampire in the sun and the horrid acid reflux that makes me burp like I just chugged seven Diet Cokes in one sitting.” 

“I don’t burp that much!” Jisung barked out, turning his wheelchair to face Changbin. He was given nothing but a knowing glance in return, the two of them understanding the real truth. Changbin continued his rantings about medication and the elderly pharmacist who questioned his every move but Jisung became deaf to the words, lost in his stare. 

The water droplets from the storm were rolling off of Changbin’s jacket as if he were a rose nested in their window box, his damp hair falling into his eyes yet he paid no mind to any of that. He never really did when it came to Jisung. Rain or shine, snow or sun, Changbin would always venture out into the real world to bring home anything he needed. 

And that, Jisung often supposed, was one of the most beautiful things about falling in love with your best friend. 

Changbin had always been there. From playground days to awkward brace faces to hospital rooms. Jisung had known pain, become familiar with it, but he’d never made loneliness a friend. Changbin wouldn’t let him. 

They’d been saying they loved each other since they were young. It was natural between friends. It was a bond that they could never break. 

Maybe Jisung had always been  _ in _ love, but that monster never reared its head to him until he was sick. His friends would come and go but Changbin always stayed. He would hold his hand when he was sad, hold his entire body when he was scared. 

It happened one day, not unlike today, with the sky pouring down on them. Something about the sound of the rain and the way the greyscale world made Changbin seem to light up made Jisung find confidence in words that needed to be spoken for quite some time. 

Thankfully, the confidence he felt did not fall into a lap that didn’t want him. 

Everything fell into place easily after that, just as Jisung assumed it would. And now he was blessed to wake up with Changbin by his side every morning. 

“Stop staring at me! Are you even listening?” Changbin’s voice broke into his thoughts and Jisung shook his head a few times. 

“No. I can’t help it!” 

Changbin wiggled his eyebrows, leaning against the bathroom door frame with an arm propped up, “You like what you see?” 

“Nevermind.” Jisung put on a grimace as best he could, swallowing a laugh that threatened to come through. 

Changbin feigned offence, plastering his hands over his heart with a groan. 

“You wound me. And to think I was going to order your favorite noodles for dinner. All I do for you! All the time I spend thinking about you! For w-”

“Alright! Alright! I get it. Please still order me noodles.” Jisung held his hands up, squeezing his fingers against his palms multiple times to signal the other to come to him. Changbin immediately did, placing his hands on the arm rests of Jisung’s chair and leaning forward, hot breath against Jisung’s lips. 

“You know I will. I’m sorry I had to leave for so long.” 

They were whispering, Jisung wasn’t sure why, and it just felt right. These words were only for them, this conversation meant for no one else.    
  
“I missed you. I’m glad you’re back.” 

Changbin closed the distance between them with a delicate kiss, always handling Jisung like he was made out of the most precious china and not skin and bones. 

He felt delicate and light. Despite the softness, the constant care, he felt wanted. 

Sometimes, Jisung worried about the future. What it would hold for him and his body, if one day his lungs would no longer allow him to breathe in. 

Those thoughts got lost when Changbin was near. 

Washed away with the rain that seemed to visit them on the days when Jisung felt most alive. 

Because with each kiss, Changbin breathed into him and filled his lungs with so much more than just oxygen. Inflating them with life and love and every other emotion Jisung was never sure he was allowed to feel. 

With every touch, Jisung breathed. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you again! i truly hope you liked this fic. 
> 
> if you want to chat, here's my [twitter!](https://twitter.com/SOHNlSM)
> 
> comments and kudos always very much appreciated <3


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